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PastPoop8/3/2003-The Plague of Locust Part IHere we go with another chat war, back by popular demand. (Special thanks to all five of you for urging me forward to do more.) Today's victim was from a Yahoo Chat user room called 'Theories, Thoughts, Ideas.' Sounded intringuing, but as entered I found the greatest collection of uninformed, half baked, ricocknificent moronic 'thinkers' this side of the Stoned Buddhas. I had initially entered out of curiousity, but upon reading the chat's tagline; \\\"A place for alternative thinkers.\\\" I inquired as to what this meant, and a guy named 'kelleon' told me it was a place for people to express ideas and practical solutions that the general public ridiculed. It was a place to be heard, a place to openly express views that are misconstrued, or ridiculed the 'mainstream' populace; a place to be recognized as an alternative thinker.I laughed. REALLY HARD. Of course my demons were stimulated by this and I selected my victim from the main chat. His name was Locust2K3, but I was to school him in the true definition of pestilience. His profile claimed he was 30, employed as an advertiser, and had his bachelor's from same field. Nice looking guy, seemed fairly normal till he typed in the chat. He had 'revolutionary' ideas for making a fuel compound out of a hydrogen rich air mixture. Um...hasn't he heard of the Hindenburg, and hasn't this been done already? Well, I decided to start a conversation thru messenger. Let the hilarity ensue. flarschenleuger: HI! Locust2K3: Hello, have you been viewing my idea? flarschenleuger: yeah, it sucks. Locust2K3: If you wish to criticisize me, I haven't the time. flarschenleuger: no, butmy idea is of more timely importance. Locust2K3: alright let's hear it. flarschenleuger: well, to save trees, i'm proposing we make books and notepads out of human skin. Locust2K3: WTF? flarschenleuger: wait...it'd be more cost effective, and skin grows faster than trees. 2 weeks versus 70 years. Locust2K3: this is absurd. flarschenleuger: do you like girls? Locust2K3: i'm married, thank you. flarschenleuger: to a man? Locust2K3: no, to a WOMAN not a girl. flarschenleuger: what does she do? Locust2K3: she works at home. with our children. flarschenleuger: oh. are your kids retarded? At this point he clicked me off. I kept pinging him endlessly and he obviously never heard of the block feature. Locust2K3: WHAT? flarschenleuger: sorry, i'm just a little off today. my life is bad. Locust2K3: that's no reason to be rude. we're all intellectuals here not elementary children. flarschenleuger: may i explain myself? Locust2K3: i suppose, but let's be civil okay? flarschenleuger: alright. well, i'm um...how do we say...? a little slow. Locust2K3: okay. flarschenleuger: and i wanna be smart like you dudes. Locust2K3: you type intelligently, just say stupid things. flarschenleuger: is that really your pic on profile? Locust2K3: yes. flarschenleuger: okay, cause mine's scanend from the back of *TWINK* magazine. Locust2K3: why post a fake pic? flarschenleuger: cause i look like a bucket of smashed assholes. Locust2K3: c'mon...i haven't the time. flarschenleuger: please stay. i'm home alone and i'm on antidepressants. i need someone. anyone. NOG! Locust2K3: please stop the stupidity. i really wish to chat in the main room. flarschenleuger: why do you insult me? cause i'm dumber than soft boiled turnips? Locust2K3: no, but this is obnoxious. flarschenleuger: i can't read that last word. how do you say it? Locust2K3: ub-knock-shush. it means being an ass. flarschenleuger: kinky. do you find me enamoring? Locust2K3: no, and i'm about to report you. flarschenleuger: super. Locust2K3: you're getting on my nerves. immature people should not be here. this is a thought group. a duma. flarschenleuger: the duma was the council erected by the czar afetr the 1905 riots..bloody sunday. Locust2K3: i knew you weren't dumb. you're playing silly games. flarschenleuger: i am dumb. i'm autistic. Locust2K3: oh really? flarschenleuger: no. i'm actually pretty cool. do you like pop tarts? Locust2K3: you're pissing me off. i will report you to yahoo. flarschenleuger: you can't. i'm a bot. welcome to yahoo user rooms! Locust2K3: this is enough! flarschenleuger: haha! you can report me now fool! yahoo will never find me! cause my messenegr is on INVISIBLE MODE! Locust2K3: they can and will find you for harrassing me. flarschenleuger: advertisers are like pimps. but we're talking the ghetto pimps here. Locust2K3: and what do you do? masturbate online when not abusing chatters? flarschenleuger: well, yes. Locust2K3: you are a wretch. you have no life. flarschenleuger: is your wife sweet? i mean would she pop boiling pimples on your back if you asked? Locust2K3: alright, i'm done with you asshole. the copy of this is going straight to yahoo c.s. flarschenleuger: okay. but you avoided my question. Locust2K3: she's more than you'll ever have loser. Okay, part 2 of this will be posted tomorrow. I know this is a long one, but it gets better! pretty soon this guy won't leave ME alone! Anyway, he gets down and dirty next time and by the end of this his keyboard is smashed. You'll see. Until next time I remain.... -Insidious_T |
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